This birthday was different..... for me at least. Every year, I've had conflicting emotions on Emalie's birthday. This year, I didn't feel plagued with the guilt of her birth mother's loss or my guilt for not having been there when she was born. Is it because, as she claims, "I'm a big girl now!" or is time healing the wounds of those things which we have no control? And what she says is true: she really is a big girl now. Maybe, not seeing her as the helpless baby but instead the vibrant, independent child that she is affects how we perceive the celebration of her. And celebrate her, we do. Although I may think less about her birth mother and more about how lucky I am to be her forever mother, there are times the questions about her genetic past are undeniable. How did she get so smart? Where did she get her love of music? Where did this 'old soul' and compassion originate? The questions are there and I'm quite sure they'll never be answered. But, the mystery entwines with the beauty and we look upon in awe at the amazing person she is. She has seen more in her five years on earth than many could probably imagine. She is a true survivor. So, this year on her birthday as we celebrate her five years, I am happy. Truly happy. Happy she is in our lives and our family. Happy that each night I can hug and kiss her as she whispers in my ear: "you are my best mommy." Thank you for your thoughts of love you sent across the miles to this beautiful little girl. She no doubt has touched your lives as she has touched ours.
