My how time flies when you're having fun (or too busy to catch a breather......)! When we received the referral for Wu Ji Fang last April, she had just celebrated her first birthday. Fast forward a year, and our little Emalie is a vibrant, growing, 'typical' 2-year old who has now been with us for nine months! It's hard to express the feelings I had the evening prior to her birthday. I had thought about creating a blog post about an adoptive mother's feelings as she's about to celebrate her child's "first" birthday. It's probably a good thing I ran out of time and didn't embark on this creation. My feelings ran deep and were quite unexpected. Each year on Nikolas' birthday, I reflect on what I was doing each successive moment of that special day: I awoke in labor, Sven rushed me to the hospital, good-God-I-am-never-doing-this-again labor, the moment I first laid eyes on him and he was placed in my arms. You get the idea. So now, we have this beautiful, little girl in our family-- our daughter. My memories? Nothing. I have no memories from her birth. I wasn't there. That's a hard concept to digest. Somebody else was-- her birth mother. What was her birth mother experiencing two years ago on the eve of her birth? Could it have possibly been joy even though she knew she would not be raising this child? Was it complete despair for a child she wanted to keep but could not? I cannot even begin to imagine her feelings..... her heartbreak. During the adoption process, we are required to take parenting classes (silly, I know, because we already had 10 years of experience). I remember during one class dealing with grief and loss, the teacher conducted an exercise requiring us to write letters from the perspective of the biological parents to the children we were about to adopt. Talk about trying to contain your emotions in a room full of strangers. Another part of the class dealt with the emotions of our children as they mature-- especially as they learn to explore their place in this world and the feelings about their adoption. The teacher said not to tell your child how his or her birth parent felt-- you just don't know. True. BUT, as I watch our beautiful, happy Emalie, I can't help but think of what a great loss the birth parents have endured. They will never know what happened to her or what she's like. Maybe it's not my place to assume their feelings, but part of me can't help but think that this baby was loved. I also can't help but wonder what they are like, too, and if that factors into Emalie's happy, vibrant, sensitive disposition. We will probably never know the circumstances of her family or her abandonment (I hate, hate, hate that word......). But I do know, that a child this wonderful must have come from a place of love and caring. So, yeah, it's a good thing I didn't have time to write about those feelings......right?
So in the here and now, our little girl has just turned two. I knew her birthday celebration would not include big party plans with lots of people and commotion. (I've heard stories of adoptive parents throwing big parties for their child's "first" birthday celebration and completely overwhelming them.) We agreed on a small, family celebration for Emalie's big day. Well, that is what we had...... at 7:30 AM when we were all home at the same time! Nikolas had school during the day and Sven had to work the night shift. We had to be creative. I think it worked out for the best--- she had ALL DAY to burn off the sugar in her birthday cake and play with her new toys. Thanks to all of you who sent birthday wishes Emalie's way. She truly loved it all. And thanks, too, for welcoming her into your hearts--- with a smile like that how could she not wriggle her way in?!
